Kelsey hardly had time to enjoy the wedding she’d been planning for the last year and a half. As with most first-time brides, she had turned into a crazed perfectionist with hundreds of to-do lists and a trail of frustrated bridesmaids, friends and relatives in her war path.
And now, all of a sudden, she found herself in the hotel room, with Brad flashing that adorable dimpled grin that meant one of two things: 1) he wants to watch a classic Sci-Fi for movie night, or 2) he’s ready for sex.
“Blade Runner or Return of the Jedi?” he asked.
Giggling, Kelsey slipped off her 1920’s style wedding dress to reveal her lace teddy with garter belt, stockings and high heels to match. Brad’s eyes immediately went up and down her body till they stopped, widened for a second, and moved away quickly accompanied with a nervous gesture toward the lamp.
“Let’s make it more romantic!” he said in a high-pitched voice as he made a dash for the light switch.
Kelsey, taken-aback, didn’t understand his reaction. Yes, they’ve been having sex for the last three years since they started dating, but this juicy number was supposed to guarantee a bigger reaction than that.
Looking down at her body to make sure she really did look as hot as the Agent Provocateur sales lady said she would, Kelsey noticed where she had slipped up.
In the middle of all the dolling up and freaking out earlier at the waxing and beauty salon, she had forgotten to do the most important thing for this high-cut piece to work…
And that brings us to Wedding Night Mistake #1
Though weddings are about gowns, vows, rings and cake, wedding nights are about sex. Yet, somehow, many couples don’t prioritize this in their preparations (and sometimes forget it altogether).
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been a couple, men and women should groom themselves for both the party and the after-party à deux.
Show that you care as much about your partner’s delight as you do for the wedding photographer’s. Trim, shave, wax. Freshen up down there after a long day of running around. And don’t eat things that will linger on your breath like garlic and onions.
Mistake # 2
Making your wedding about others instead of focusing on the passion and love between the two of you.
Make it a point to remind yourself during the day to connect with your partner. Take some time out from mingling with friends and family and steal a few sweet kisses in private. Tell him you can’t wait to get him all to yourself. Give her that hungry look that you used to when you first met.
These little moments of passion will get you ready for later that night, and they’ll also help you slow down and enjoy the wedding itself, which for most people flies by in what feels like milliseconds.
What is the one thing that is sure to ruin any attempt at having fun?
You guessed it: stress.
Breaking down about the messy floral arrangement or worrying about your best man hitting on your sister is not the best use of your time and energy on this important occasion.
If you’re still in the planning phase of your wedding, please do yourself, and everyone, else a favor and just drop the need for perfection. And during the wedding, don’t micromanage everyone, especially not your partner.
Relax. Breathe. Chill. Trust that things will unfold much more beautifully if you and your lover are glowing with laughter and ease.
Then once you get to your bridal bed, you are able to switch into a delicious mood, plus you haven’t alienated your sweetie with harsh criticism or barked orders.
Similar to mistake #3 is carrying your wedding into your wedding night. Once you get through the door of your room, drop all concerns, worries, and the desire to go over every little detail of what happened.
Even if your uncle made a scene by getting plastered, or your best friend’s daughter spilled grape juice all over your suit. Don’t. Talk. About. It. You’ll have plenty of time the next day to relive every moment, but tonight is your night. Make it count.
Overdoing the champagne.
This doesn’t really need much explaining. You already know the pitfalls of too many glasses. You remember graduation, and your 30th birthday, and that little mishap at your cousin’s bachelorette party, and of course there was that vacation in Mexico you can hardly remember.
Anyway, the important thing is to enjoy yourself without compromising your composure and quality of presence. Even if you’re nervous, just breathe. And don’t forget to eat something.
Forgetting to eat and drink the whole day.
Weddings go by very quickly for the bride and groom. But make no mistake: they are long, intense, busy days that need a lot of energy to get through. Not eating or drinking water the entire time will make you cranky, tired and add onto the stress.
And it will make the champagne drinking all the more risky.
Making your wedding night a performance as well.
We can’t help feel like we’re stage actors during the wedding. We obsess over lighting, tone of voice, the props, and the words we say. We try to make everything picture-perfect so that it’s a day to remember for everyone involved. We need to be the best hosts and ensure that everyone is enjoying (and behaving) themselves.
But please don’t put that kind of pressure on your wedding night as well. It’s absolutely great to prepare for it, that’s actually what we talked about in mistake #1. But once you’re there, try to just be natural.
The best way to do that is to focus purely on pleasure. No need to show off a new technique. No need to try to keep your hairdo in-place. Keep your pretzel-pose for the yoga studio, or on another night. And no need to get upset if the rose petals on the bed are pink instead of red like you asked for.
Just breathe, relax, and take it slow.
So now that we’ve gotten these mistakes out of the way and armed you with their solutions, here are a few extra tips to seal the deal:
Fun Tip #1
For a few weeks before the wedding, abstain. This is a popular one that not many people keep up. But it’s worth the restraint, especially if it is accompanied by tip #2.
Fun Tip #2
During those few weeks, create a mood of hot anticipation. Flirt. Tease. Send suggestive texts and photos. Arousal always begins in the mind.
Fun Tip #3
Talk about sex stories with your friends before the wedding. This will take you back to your teenage years and will add to that anticipation.
Fun Tip #4
Build your partner’s confidence leading up to the wedding night. For a few days, compliment him or her on looks, strength, sexiness, intelligence, talent, taste and any other trait you authentically admire about them. Key word here is: authentic. Fake compliments are a huge turn-off.
Fun Tip #5
Don’t forget to wine and dine and keep up date night. Set the tone of your marriage by making sure you don’t throw romance out the window the moment life gets busy. And during date night, dress up, try new places, spice up your conversations and don’t talk about the planning or the marriage. Pretend you’re back on your first few dates.
Fun Tip #6
When was the last time you kissed your lover just for the sake of really kissing? Do it. Kiss deeply, kiss passionately, kiss playfully. Don’t make kissing just a bridge between no-sex and sex.
Fun Tip #7
Pick a day during your preparation phase to walk down memory-lane together. Dig up your old courtship emails, texts and photos. Talk about your memories of your first dates, your first kisses and what you thought about when you first met. Again, this is all about recreating that thrill and passion.
Fun Tip #8
On your wedding night, take it slow. If you’ve been abstaining you’ll probably want to get right to it as soon as you get to your room. But don’t rush. You want to feel every feeling. Be present. Fully embody every moment. Relish in your reawakened lust. This is the night you’ve been dreaming of with the love of your life.
Fun Tip #9
There are certain traditions that are actually really sweet. Like carrying the bride over the threshold, or not letting the groom see the gown till the wedding. Though they may have superstitious roots, they also contribute to the feelings of magic, excitement and new beginnings. Don’t shun them just because they are traditions, try what you like and leave the rest.
Fun Tip #10
Sleep naked. You never know when the mood might hit again; early morning sex, middle-of-the-night sex, a little touching and warmth throughout the night. Don’t you just miss that?
Of course, we understand that on the day of, it might be too much to ask you to remember all of this. So if there’s just one take-away, it’s this: breathe.